Letting Go of My Beast Self: An Olympic Journey
As a competitive track and field athlete, I used to look in the mirror and not recognize what I saw looking back at me. My reflection wasn’t the kind, goofy Tori that many have come to know.
My eyes were hard and unwavering. My demeanor unmoved and unbothered. Tangled deep energy sat in my chest waiting to erupt, wanting to scream and smash the mirror with myfists.
This was my beast self. An uncivilized, irrational animal maneuvering strictly on survival instincts.
The self that didn’t give a damn what people thought. The self that fought the status quo. The self that was free from doubt, shame, or incompetence.
The beast self that was full of energy that feels like a million bubbles popping in your chest and makes it impossible to sit still. The energy that I had in high school, college, and my first three years as a professional.
For the last year and a half, I haven’t had this same, anxious, wired, pent-up aggression inside of me when I compete. And when I recognized that feeling was dwindling, I tried desperately to hold onto it. I spent months trying to reconnect with the “young me” who was fearless, who attacked every obstacle with brute force and powered her way through. The me that didn’t exactly know where she was going but kept going anyways. The…
